I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
