a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
