im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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