your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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