If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
