so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We are two peas in an std pod
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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