I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
