Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
