What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
