We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
