All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
