Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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