he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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