hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
