I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
