Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just want nice things and good sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
