Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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