Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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