I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
