This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
