we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
