what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
