I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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