These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
