When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
