Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
