I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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