I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sorry my hands just texted you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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