it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
