just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
