3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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