If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The Olympian is in my bed
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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