Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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