over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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