Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
