the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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