dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
