i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
