Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
