if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
