a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
