You're so nebulous sometimes
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
