Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
