well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
