I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Green mimosas i think yes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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