That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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