Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
