So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
