it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
