you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
