Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
