I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
