Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
