my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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