My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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