You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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